anonrising | #46 - Bet your heart skipped a beat

for a while now i've been having lots of issues with mental health (terrible eating habits, suicidal thoughts, unhealthy fixation on sibling figures) and i really want to seek help because i know i need it but i'm afraid to do so because the stigma against mental illness in my country is very, very strong. i'm hoping that once i'm a graduate student i'll be able to get a scholarship abroad somewhere more accepting, but i just don't know what to do in the meantime.

i'm also worried because all this stuff is hurting my grades which i can't have because no grades = no scholarship = never getting out of this hellhole

and idk i just dont know what to do anymore i'm in a constant state of "yea i mean if i died now i'd be okay with it" and its just. ugh

Please get help ASAP if the means are available to you. Even if you end up in a more accepting country for graduate studies, grad school sadly tends to exacerbate depression, anxiety, and all sorts of mental illnesses just as a rule (and drives otherwise healthy people to depression). I don't know your circumstances but I do think you are probably way better off getting help earlier rather than later.

(...Russia?)

Please try to get help as soon as possible.

And don't be afraid of gap years if that's what you'll end up having to do. And let's suppose you don't get a scholarship. So what? There are other ways to get abroad. There are ALWAYS other ways.
I've done it twice with no money and no help from school.

Stop worrying about grades and start focusing on your mental well-being. Don't let school drive you to the breaking point.

#46 - Bet your heart skipped a beat

random venting i guess

Re: random venting i guess

Re: random venting i guess